During these dark winter months I am often awake until 2am. An old pattern from my university days. I’ve fallen back into my night owl tendencies.
As I type these words, my favourite part of late night life is occurring outside. A soft, earthly sound, so deep it’s almost felt rather than hear. The call of great horned owls. A magical sound.
The honeymoon stage of entrepreneurship lends easily to this night lifestyle. Reality has not quite sunk in yet. We are still getting to know each other, my business and I.
The late hours are my most creative. Maybe it’s because daylight seems waisted unless I’m working on the business, which at the moment is far from sitting at my bench and creating. Once the sun sets and my brain is tired from filtering through options, I feel less guilty about writing for pleasure, working on a new design or practicing my smithing techniques.
But I feel this honeymoon period must come to an end. It’s time to get back to real life. To figure out what I want my real life look like now. Though these days are mine to do with as I please, don’t think for one second I spend them sitting around eating bonbons while watching my stories. Far from it. I think about my business from the time I get up until I fall asleep. There’s networking to be done, research and seeking out information. I have so many questions.
Part of me feels I should get up at a reasonable hour and “get to work.” But that’s part of the appeal of working for yourself right? That you get to set your own hours? As long as I’m gettin done what needs doin and taking care of myself, what difference does it make what time of day it happens.
As I settle into this artist life, I find the clock matters less and less. No longer is life crammed work hours. It’s not that I have no separation between work and life, rather the opportunity to build my work hours around my life. Afternoon yoga class on a Wednesday? I’m there! Low tide is at 3pm? I’m there! Want to go for a 4hr hike? I’ll get everything done so my day is free. It’s a certain sort of freedom. But not without consequence. With no biweekly paycheque to rely upon, it’s up to me to earn my money. If I don’t hustle and sell, the bills don’t get paid. It’s terrifying, but at the same time feels oh, so good.
I met with my business coach for the first time today. I was a bundle of excited nerves, full of self doubt and questions.
These were the thoughts racing around my mind:
What have I done with my life? Is this totally crazy? Can I really make a living as an artist? Will women value my work enough to spend their hard earned dollars on my time and skill? Will enough women love what I create to feed my family?
Big thoughts. Scary thoughts. Fearful thoughts. Thoughts that cause one to react to life. I don’t want to make decisions based on these thoughts. I want to make informed decisions grounded in love. I need to meditate on that last sentence. Let it soak into my being. I believe when acting out of love we are doing the best we can. Information strengthens those actions. But gathering that information takes time. Sitting in the unknowing makes me antsy. Makes my skin crawl. Makes me want to move. Shimmy. Shake. React.
I know this to be true:
I work really hard.
I value my time.
I am thankful for my gifts and I don’t want to waste them.
I want to share them with others.
And to find the best possible way to do that takes time. This is the beginning.
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